My Virtual Model

This is what I look like now:

This is what I want to look like in 4 months:

It was fun designing my virtual model, if you want to make you one go to: http://www.myvirtualmodel.com/en/index.php

I'm not 20 anymore!

Damn I didn't get that memo! I got a big eye opener the other day...I can't move a bedroom w/a big bed and dressers around all by myself!

Why did I do move it all by myself is the big question on every one's mind. Well sad to say but my hubby is not very helpful around the house. First, he wouldn't want to since he worked so hard at his job then I probably would have had to wait til next year to get him to do it anyways. I know that's harsh to say but it reality in my house.

I love to rearrange my house and I thought since we were not moving I needed a change in our room. I haven't like how it has been for a long time. My hubby has to crawl over me to get in and out of bed so that was a PITA. The kids are getting bigger and they don't need me hovering over them every moment so having a place of my own would be nice. When I finished it looked very nice and I enjoy my space now. But was it worth the pain I had to go thru....ummm YEP but I shouldn't do that again.

The next day I woke up in some major pain. I couldn't move my neck and wow the pain in my back was horrible. Of course its a work day so I had to drag my booty to work. I looked pitiful so my boss sent me home after 2 hrs. I came home and went right up to my bedroom and laid down. The best thing though was my room was clean and it felt real good. I did have some quiet time while everyone was gone and that was very nice. Then the kids came home and took care of me. I rested all day hoping that the next day I would be able to work. I can't miss work because that means I get no $$$. Sucks but being a waitress I depend on my tips to live.

Lesson Learned: I AM NOT 20 ANYMORE so no moving big furniture all by myself ! Getting old sucks sometimes.

Damn, how am I going to move the next room around? I might have to bribe hubby with a video game or sex. LOL!

My Fault...really?

Yesterday my lil one Sahara told me that she was is in a bad mood because she didn't get any sleep. Then of course I asked why and she told me it was my fault because my hair was in her face all night. I looked at her like "really...my fault" and she looked right back at me with this attitude and look in her eyes that I knew it just wasn't worth my time to argue the fact then she should sleep in HER OWN bed not mine! I guess next time I'm in a bad mood I can use the excuse "Your feet were in my back all night so I didn't get any sleep". Kids! Geesh!

Am I a mean mommie?

I banned my kids from playing with the kids next door. We have had problems with them FOREVER. The boy is 8 and the little girl is 5 and OH MY they are a piece of work. They pick on my kids and put the fear in them to do things...calling them scary cats. My kids have got in trouble many times for doing things they know they are not suppose to do but did it anyways because the kids next door push them into it....knock on other neighbor doors and run. Okay that's okay once or twice but almost everyday. I don't want my kids to have reputation that the KND (kids next door) have. They are not allowed to even go by 2 neighbors house because they stole items out of their yard and lied about it. I don't allow my kids to go around the block w/o an adult but KND can go whatever they want.

Yesterday the KND girl taught my lil girl a new word....Fucking Brat! My lil one is 4 but she holds her own with the older kids. She comes in crying A****R called me a FUCKING BRAT and then she kept saying it. She got put in timeout for saying it to her brother....ugh!

Then later the KND boy came over and open our mail slot in the door and yells to my son.....MY MOM SAYS YOU CAN'T COME TO MY BIRTHDAY! That hurt my son a lot. He is a bit sensitive but still I would have cried too.

All I can do at this point is BAN my kids from playing with the KND!

Where do I put all these TOYS!

Ok, my house is already way too small and now I have more crap to put in it! I've been stressed out because my house is a mess and I feel like I can't get it to the point I need it. I don't care what the kids or their dad say, I need some of this chaos to go AWAY. I will write "their dad" when I'm upset. It's a lot better than a**hole and it makes me feel so much better. I asked for his help over the weekend but I guess the 2 xbox games he bought for himself was a bigger priority then helping around the house. It's a fight that I seem to loose every weekend. He works hard is his excuse....like I don't but damn I still have responsibilities. Ummph!

Ok back to the TOYS.....oh where do I put them. I have to rearrange the kids bedroom this week. What a chore that is going to be. I'm dreading it. My kids have a bunk bed that one bed fits on top and then there is a little cove under it. My son says he falls out too much and wants to put his mattress on the floor. I guess the 20 stuffed animals can go on top and the bed can be on the bottom. Not sure if it will work but hey its worth a shot I guess.

Can you tell I'm a bit stressed....lol!

Guess What I Got For My Birthday....

The call from my 18 yr old son telling me I'm going to be a GRANDMA....umm crap I just turned 40 and now I have to be grammie! WOW did I have to pick up my chin off the floor. I was the first person he told in his family...but the girl is 5 months already. Guess keeping the secret was getting him. However, the big step is telling his dad. My son and ex lives 2 states away so its hard for me to help him thru this but he knows I'm there whenever he needs me!

Stay tuned for more details on this drama of becoming a Grammie at 40!!! A customer called me a HAWT GRAMMIE so I guess I'll take that.

Funny-My Son

thinks his butt**** is called a butthog! I almost choked on my coffee. I told him that wasn't what it was called but just go ahead and say "booty". His undies were riding up his crack and he didn't like it.

Butthog....lol

Xmas- Kids and Hubby

Last night the kids were snooping around the tree and looking at the presents my mom sent. They wanted to open one so bad, so the bad mommy that I am I let them open 1! With the promise of DON'T ASK TO OPEN ANOTHER ONE UNTIL XMAS. Of course they both said "Yes mom we won't ask and THANK YOU" with the big smiles and hugs. They both opened of course the BIG present but oh well.

However, my sweet Sahara asks this morning....mom can I open a little present in my stocking today? Ummmm NO! Now of course I'm the mean mommy but hey a promise is a promise.

Anyone else ready for XMAS to be over? Too much going on.

I need to clean house for family, make dinner for family, be nice to family that's just too much for me!

Our Tree sucks right now! We have been asking daddy to get the Xmas lights for over a week now. I'm too short and no ladder or else I would have got them myself already. Asking daddy to do anything you have to put in a work order at least 3 weeks ahead of time. Then maybe 3 more weeks to think about it. Then 3 more weeks to do it! Am I being mean...not really!

Plans Changed!

Well we are not going to move. I'm very disappointed but I keeping telling myself "things happen for a reason". And I'm holding on to that. My hubby backed out and then the plans just went down the toilet. This move was stressing out my hubby, my kids, my mom, and of course myself! We were all walking around the house mad. My mom and I were fighting over the phone. I think I had my arms folded across my chest for at least 2 weeks.

I don't blame anyone but myself because I had such high hopes and didn't really look at the REAL BIG picture. My hubby got scared. I just wish he would have told me sooner like before the plane tickets/hotel rooms were bought. My mom is pissed, and pissed enough not to call me on my 40th bday. I don't blame her I would be mad at me too!

My friend told me that I just need to let go of that dream of going back home because she doesn't think it will happen for awhile at least. She knows I have a hard time here but she thinks I need to give the Bay Area a second chance and not let people get to me.

I guess a new chapter in my life needs to begin so I can move forward. I've been at a stand still for a couple years now. Depression is knocking on my door everyday but my kids are my motivation to be strong. I do need to change, fix, and add to my life that is for sure.

Countdown starts

28 days to our BIG MOVE. Am I ready??? No way but it has too happen. My mom and step-dad arrives Dec 26th. They are going to help me drive up. My hubby is on the fence if he is going and let me tell you that is the biggest stress I have right now. I understand that he feels this is the wrong time financially for us to quit our jobs and move to another state. But I can't handle this place anymore!

Reasons why I'm moving:

1. Cost too much in the Bay Area to live....2 (900 sq ft) bdrm townhouse for $1200.

2. Kids next door are bad and they are teaching my kids very bad things. You would be amazed with what I have had to deal with these two gremlins next door.

3. Bay Area is just strange. I was on the bus with my two kids (they are bi-racial) and these 2 guys thought that was a pass to talk to me all rude. Then when I reminded them that I was with my kids and not to talk to me like then I was a RACIST WHITE BITCH. This was the last straw and the day I made the decision to move. I've been wanting to for a couple years but that bus ride was the camel that broke the back (is that the right saying...lol)

4. I MISS MY FAMILY is the most important reason!

5. My 18 yr old son needs me.

6. No family love in the Bay Area....hubby's family thinks we don't exist. My kids call hubby's mom DADDY'S MOM and they live 3 hrs away. They never talk to the kids. My mom calls pretty much every other day and talks to the kids every time. Yes I'm bitter, lol!

7. We live in Murder Capital....Richmond CA!

I could go on and on!