It's the holiday season and I just can't get into it. This year I wish I didn't have to decorate or put on that smile for the kids but I have too! I think I put my family in jeopardy for having a horrible Christmas. My health hasn't been very good this past year and final in October I went to the Dr and then it got worse so I had to have a hysterectomy in November. I'm happy I did but wow the worse time of the year possible.
My husband took family medical leave to take care of me so we are both waiting for EDD to issue of our disability checks but they have told us they are back logged. WTF really we haven't had any money come in for almost a month so we have went through what we had in checking. Within this month we had 3 birthdays. The only one we spent money on was our son's though.
However, my situation is only TEMPORARY. I do know that. How can I feel like this when there is 20 families that won't have their kids with them on Christmas so whatever I'm going through and feeling I need to suck it up and know that next month we will be fine again.
Next week is Christmas and how do I get through this without breaking down crying. I know it's not about the PRESENTS but the kids are looking forward to presents and as their mom I want to give that to them. I did some shopping before I went into the hospital but only small items. This hurts my heart knowing I can't give them more. I told them today that some of their gifts are going to have to be IOU's- they asked what that was and I told them I was going to make coupons that they can cash in for in January. I love my kids because they said that was okay and look forward to having a long Christmas.
I love my kids they are so compassionate and I really want to give them what they give to others. Last week a friend posted she didn't have any gifts for her son and BOTH of them went through their toys and now we have a big box to give to my friend. I wish I could do the same for them!
I'm trying to go back to work in next weekend so we can at least a Christmas dinner! This week we will be eating everything in the pantry and I'm sure by next week we will have our checks and I can stop feeling like Scrooge.
Thanks for letting me vent!